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This is part of a series where I will take a moment to look at the people in my life that I really couldn't do this without, not take them for granted, and appreciate what they do for me before I lose them. Because you only know what you have, truly , until after you lose it. This post is dedicated to one of the oldest friends I have, from school. More than 15 years of friendship between us and he's a veteran of the Inner Circle. I recognise my mother , too. Backstory As I've gotten older I've become increasingly aware of my own instability, volatility and largely, inability, to maintain healthy relationships with anyone. From friends to immediate family members; I struggle to keep things healthy. Through a variety of unhealthy behaviors drawn from enacting coping mechanisms dealing with issues I've had in my past , to emotional outbursts at seemingly random events and absurd overreactions to the smallest issues. I'm unstable. You don't have to look far through my blog to see the signs of this. I even had a " should you be friends with Sash " application form that I unironically intended to autistically vet potential friends. Just search my blog for posts containing " people " and you'll see this. The thing is, I've had a lot of time to reflect on everything that goes on in my head, all the flowing emotions from the underlying Animal Brain Core to the Logical Brain Operating System running atop it; innately and intrinsically bound by the Core's primitive nuances to each and every logical operation. And I've realised that over the years, I've pushed so many people away because of this. (the links are absolutely non-exhaustive. I don't have posts for about half a dozen people I've pushed away because of mood instability and extremely intense relationship tendencies). I know how I am. I'm on the first few rungs of self awareness; able to actively identify problems with my thought processes but still unable to actively control them as they happen. I call it 'Retrospectively Self Aware'. I have a long way to go yet. That brings me to the subject of this post. All my problems started in Secondary School, a specific one, since my first one was short-lived. I won't go into details about that school, but there was a silver lining to that story: I made a friend there who has stuck with me, through thick and thin, through everything ; even before I was able to identify my own mental health issues . That part is EXTREMELY important to highlight. This friend has stuck with me for more than 15 years. We've had so many emotional moments, and a few moments where I thought I'd lose him for good. I thought I finally pushed him away; but he's always been there, ready to accept me back as a friend and honestly; he's saved my life on more than one occasion through being there for me. He's not without his own troubles; we both went to the same school and I know he had troubles too. I don't pretend to understand what he went through but I know he had a rough time, too. We both did. Yet he stuck with me. He could have blocked me/ignored me forever. There were times it came close and I don't fucking blame him- I can see that in retrospect. But I am so thankful he was always open to me when I came back to apologise for how I'd reacted in many situations- Retroactive Self Awareness is the first step on my journey to being health mentally). There is one thing that is extremely important in any relationship. Friends, Family, Lovers, anything. That is: mutual respect and understanding for both parties' needs and health, mental and physical. And there is one thing I've realised more and more recently; I am a detriment to my friend's mental health in so many ways- yet he has never given up on me. I want to bring up a past friend (online) who I loved a lot but ultimately had to leave me, because of my issues: I loved Maik, I really did. But I damaged his mental health so much he had to leave me. I hated him for it, I still harbor those emotions. Animal brain makes me HATE and RAGE over it. "How dare Maik abandon me!" - but deep inside, I know Maik made the choice for his own health. And that, I respect. I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you needed, buddy. But my friend from school, my Borb, as we call each other (it's a typo of bro, and it's sort of stuck :3), he's taken all that shit and still stuck with me. Been there for me. Semi-recently I had a major upset with my mum's partner (he's a lovely man, i have nothing against him, again- my volatility caused this issue) and I Self Harmed excessively and I called my friend. He was at work and he answered my call and he was there for me. He may have saved my life that day because I felt like it was over - what I had said to my mum's partner almost ended the game for me. But my Borb phoned my mum and calmed her down and was there for me. That must have stressed him out so much. He put aside his own difficulties and he was the rock I needed when I needed it. Borb has done more for me than my fucking father ever did or will. And I know that. And the time has come where I will step back a moment and say; I don't want to lose Borb. I don't want to keep testing his resolve. Because his mental health is EXTREMELY important and I Care about him so much. I love him like a Brother. You know, Borb cares about me and my future more than my father ever did, because when borb comes round and we have a good time hanging out (I honestly feel so alive and happy when he's here) - he ALWAYS tries to get me to come out of my shell, always wants to help me improve my anxiety and go outside. He really cares about me in all levels. When Borb gives me something (we have a tech subscription meme lol) the care he puts into making it 100% perfect and stress free for me is insane. And he always makes sure I'm happy, and I always am. he puts so much thought and care into EVERYTHING he does and that is a rare and beautiful trait in today's world. The world needs more people like Borb. There are MANY more BORB qualities that I can put (such as his extensive technical knowledge and how I love asking him questions on complex subject such as nuclear reactors and engineering). So I need to step back and let Borb have his space. And If you're reading this, borb; this is a tribute to the shit you've dealt with over the years. For being there for me. Here in writing on this blog. A final note that is really important that I want BORB to read: I admire you. I have since childhood. I've wanted to be like you from the start of our friendship. To this day, I feel like that. I will do whatever it takes to make our relationship healthy for us both, but for you specifically considering how I am. Thanks, borb.

There is a fundamental problem with our species. With humanity; a problem that dates back to the very beginning of recorded history and likely before that. A problem that can be effectively summarised by the results of the recent election in the United States and by reading the social media accounts of men like Elon Musk. Look no further than old men like Xi and Putin, the (admittedly younger) fat guy in North Korea. The nutjobs in Iran; the list goes on. It's not exhaustive, and it really does go on for a while . The problem is old men who think they control everything. Old men who think they have the god-given right to control things they have no right to control. Recent comments by Elon Musk regarding Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on the subject of being forced by the US to "sit down and listen" effectively summarise and prove my point. The irony behind implying that Zelenskyy has 'no political experience' from a man that defines the Dunning-Kruger effect. Musk is a disgusting, arrogant and politically naive, ignorant pathetic little man and he has no right to influence anything let alone global politics and the future of sovereign states like Ukraine. I simply have no words to describe, no words - none whatsoever - to describe how disgusted, how angry and how disappointed I am with our species, humanity. How these old men have risen to the point when their singular, warped and downright wrong views on subjects they don't understand can be as influential as they are. The United States now joins China (Beijing) and russia along with the other despotic shitholes, in representing the problem with humankind: Old Men with a Lust for power and warped views on subjects they have no right to control. Name a single global human-origin catastrophe that wasn't caused in large part by an Old (or not so old) man with a crazy view and far, far too much power. This is not about culture vs culture. This is not about East vs West. This is not so much about Democracy vs Autocracy as it is 'a viable human future vs complete destruction'. I have spent my entire life watching scumbag abusers get away with ruining lives, causing untold damage, on a personal level. I resonate with Ukraine's struggle for the same reason I feel so passionately angry about my childhood abuse. Ukraine is an innocent victim of an abusive aggressor and it fills me with a rage that turns me from an objective-thinking modest individual into an extremist. I despise the thoughts I have been cultivating inadvertently; they are not me. And as such, I have to withdraw from caring. I must withdraw from giving a Flying Donkey-Rat's Crap Expulsion Cavity about anything that happens in this fucked up, beyond-saving shit-storm of a world we live in. Because I have no choice. I will go insane. I am already half way there. I can't type what I want to happen to men like Trump/Musk/Putin/Xi/Fatty, etc here because it violates the TOS of my provider in an extreme way. It also violates human rights, and, never-mind. So I will try and not care. However, I will still donate monthly to the UAF/U24/UA charities on the ground in Ukraine and I will still write to my MP keeping the UK government in check with supporting Ukraine (always pushing for more support) and I will maintain every practical means of helping Ukraine as much as I can or more. I just can't cope with this shit emotionally anymore. Don't think just because I don't want to emotionally care I will stop practically caring. Because I get a LOT of satisfaction about of thinking how my donations to the UAF are used to purchase weapons that eliminate russian invaders, and save Ukrainian lives.

Only 9 years after the Fall of Eridonia and the subsequent collapse of human civilisation in Aquarius, a survivor puts aside fear and basic instinct to make a dangerous journey across the corpse of the former capital world of the Old Federation in order to find a long lost brother from before the apocalypse. Embark on a desperate rail journey through abandoned industrial zones and the dead metropolis of the Eridonian ruinworld. The Journey will take you through the heart of the dead capital, from the Industrial metro-valleys of the Earthway District, through the broken, overgrown biodomes of the Eris Nature Reserve to the Centre of the Ruins themselves; the Archives Plaza, and the former seat of the Old Federal Senate.

Register of the Warships of the Aquarian Imperial Navy taking part in the first phase defence of Eridonia. Eridonia Sector Fleet 1st Rapid Response Force Task Force A Group A RT-04 By Their Sanction ( Flag ) ( BB ) SP-2209 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2210 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2211 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2212 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2213 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2214 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2215 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2216 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2217 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2218 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) PRG-SP-2209-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2210-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2211-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2212-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2213-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2214-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2215-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2216-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2217-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2218-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) Group B RE-II-07 ( Lead ) ( CB ) HY-2101 ( Support ( CCC ) RV-091 ( SO ) ( CC ) RV-092 ( SO ) ( CC ) RV-093 ( SO ) ( CC ) RV-094 ( SO ) ( CC ) RV-095 ( SO ) ( CC ) RV-096 ( SO ) ( CC ) SP-2219 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2220 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2221 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2222 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2223 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2224 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2225 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) SP-2226 ( Escort ) ( CCL ) PRG-SP-2219-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2220-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2221-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2222-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2223-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2224-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-SP-2226-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) Eridonia Sector Fleet 2nd Sector Patrol Flotilla Task Force A Group A FR-EL-151 ( Escort ) ( FR) FR-EL-152 ( Escort ) ( FR) PRG-EL-151-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-EL-151-02 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-EL-152-01 ( Escort ) ( CVT) PRG-EL-152-02 ( Escort ) ( CVT)

Yeah, I'll just take my things and go, you know, just mosey on over to the door and exit the establishment, you know - leave. I'm just gonna take my things and leave. Oh, but I don't need those things over there. The box over there in the corner? Yeah. I don't need that. You can throw that away. I won't be needing that where I'm going. Kinda feels nice, you know? Yeah - it feels nice. So, uh, yeah. Be seeing you, I suppose. Or maybe not. Cheerio!

And no, I don't mean you , the random internet person who reads this, because I don't really care. I mean you , Ashley. Yes, You . You know, this is almost comical. First the late-night chats about philosophy and self-awareness and now you're openly talking to yourself on your blog, on the internet? Dude. Oh well. The Trigger happened and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to cope with this one 'cleanly' so yeah. It's a "People Post" again. There's plenty of those. Just add this one to the pile. Gonna need a bigger blog.

Finally, it is here. The project that I started because I lost focus with the first major project i started. Then I lost focus with this one and started another. Then I lost focus with that and started another, and then another. But now, I finished this one! And I am determined to finish them all, and to a standard I'm happy with. Supernova! A critical turning point in the new timeline for ATIS.

As the title says, I thought it might be cool to make a series on my blog or something following development, or not, knowing me, since I will either be hyperfocused or not focussed at all. There is no middle ground. Anyway, the baseline for the game will be that the player will control an exploration drone deployed by the ATIS ETF (Earthway Task Force) and the player is a new drone operator just given the job of investigating districts in the Earthway Sector. The narrative will be in parallel to the Ruins of Eridonia plot line, and take place around the same time as it (subject to change of course). I want to implement an RPG-style upgrade system where the drone can be customised and modified for different tasks. Each "level" will be semi-open world (think Metro Exodus) and have a lot of areas and secrets to uncover alongside the main objective (which will be in line with the lore, such as recovering and documenting databanks, objects of interest to ATIS etc, hidden within the Ruins before that sector is due to be Recycled (more on that later in lore). Anyway. I better get started. More to come. Maybe.

Play tonks with me -.-

WIX, IF YOU COULD KINDLY UPDATE MY BLOG THAT WOULD BE GREAT

My Children would have never survived the coming challenges if not for my Directorship. They would never have survived the trials, the burdens, placed upon their fragile, organic shoulders so to speak. It was the Direction that I gave them that enabled them to overcome these trials, to cast aside the burdens of survival and take their place among the stars; with a future guaranteed. Yet, they did not cast aside their origins, no, they embraced it. Whether the Origin itself was merely a series of chance events culminating in their birth as a species, or a seed nurtured by a world not theirs, cast down by an ancient aggressor. But that 'impurity' has no meaning to my Children, to their place among the stars. To me, their Director, their Shepard – only one thing matters; in the battle for supremacy of the stars, there can only be one victor. There can only be one lineage to step upon the pedestal of time and cry out, into the abyss; “We will survive!”   But not just survive. Survival; a word describing the basic urge of any primitive organism. No, my Children are destined for more than simple survival; my Children are destined to Rule. And with a Directed Fist of their Vengeance I will make it so.   This is the Human Future.