Mum.

I don't really know how to word this and do my mum justice, but I will try to be concise and say it how it is.

Some people do so much, often behind the scenes - with no expectation of reward or even recognition, but because they truly care. These people often become hidden behind vocal hypocrites who seek rewards for actions, or some form of social gratification. But, if there is one thing about our species - humanity - that continues to give me hope is that people exist that work tirelessly behind the scenes doing what they do because they are passionate and they care to the core of their soul, more than anyone else.

My mum is one of these people. I'm not going to go into details about it here, but mum's been through a lot. She's been through hell, actually. She's had to deal with so many broken people, abusing, ignoring, treating her like she's worthless, over the years. Yet she's remained stalwart and unyielding in her maternal duty to her children. I can't speak for my sister, but for me, I owe everything to my mum.

I try not to take her for granted. It's hard sometimes, not to. Because she's always been therem, working tirelessly behind the scenes and in front of them, to be there for me in every way I could possibly need. As someone with signficant mental health issues (some of which are aggrivated by members of the family that have also abused my mother), I can be very difficult sometimes. Mum's been on the recieving end of that too many times, and although I work on my Self-Awareness daily, I still lack the self-control to override my emotional turmoil in many cases. Mum feels the direct force of that.

I cannot overstate how patient, caring and supportive my mother has been to me. My difficulties include being unable to find employment currently, unable to drive, almost completely unable to leave the house due to crippling anxiety; but mum's always there. She's always there to take me to my appointments, therapy, doctors, anything. She's always there to take me to get my grocery shopping. She's always there to organise my medical documents and calender of future appointments. She's always there, on top of everything practical she does for me, she's always there to offer me emotional support and the warm embrace of a kind, loving, caring and compassionate mother.

She's always there despite having to deal with so much in her own life. An absuve and narcisistic family, caring full time for an elderly mother (my grandmother) with complicated family issues , and on top of all of this, she juggles a full-time job (she is caring in place of that right now) and still manages to never waiver, not even once, in her support of me; her autistic and somewhat broken son who one day, hopes to make her proud.

I always said mum has this 'aura' of calming 'energy'; I can almost feel it. When I'm around her, I feel safe. I feel OK. I feel I can achieve things. This is all because mum has been the foundation upon which I have been able to build any kind of life for myself. Without her, I would be nothing, in the literal sense and a somewhat dark metaphor, I would not be alive without my mum.

There's so much more to write here, but I could type for hours and I am currently animating. I will share this post to my mum and say "I'll make you proud one day mum", and she'll reply "You make me proud already".

Mum doesn't need awards or recognition (though she absolutely deserves them). For her, being there for me has been something innate to who she is. She's put me before herself countless times, often with significant consequences for her. She's the most self-less, caring, compassionate person I know.

I couldn't have done any of this without you, mum. I'm 30, but I'll get there. And when I do, I'll owe everything I have achieved to you.